For example, one mother shared that her four-year-old constantly interrupted her the minute she got on the phone. Involve Me Usefully.” Suggestions for what this kind of encouragement would look like are in the last column of the Mistaken Goal Chart. Once you have the three clues, you can break the code and understand what your child really needs to feel encouraged, “Notice Me. In a few minutes your child will try harder to get undue attention. By scolding, you have reinforced the discouragement. She stops for a few minutes (your third clue that the mistaken goal is Undue Attention per the fourth column of the Mistaken Goal Chart). The third column of the Mistaken Goal Chart summarizes adult behaviors that actually feed a child’s discouragement. The second clue is your reaction to the misbehavior. I’m important only when I’m keeping you busy with me.” For example, when you feel irritated, annoyed, worried, or guilty, it is likely that your child’s mistaken goal is Undue Attention, based on the mistaken belief that, “I count (belong) only when I’m being noticed or getting special service.
#Child goalchart how to#
Your feelings help you break the code to your child’s mistaken belief about how to achieve belonging and significance-the true goal of all people. How you “feel” in response to the misbehavior provides the first clue to your child’s discouragement. Click on this link: Mistaken Goal Chart so you can follow along as I explain the code. Unless adults know how to break the code-children usually experience the opposite of belonging and significance. Too often they form a mistaken belief about how to seek belonging and significance-as explained in the Mistaken Goal Chart. The primary goal of all children is to feel a sense of belonging and significance. When children are misbehaving, they are speaking to adults in code. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.
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